Diary of an Author
An update on where the book is up to and an overview of what I am doing if I am not writing/working!
‘You learn to love the mess of your life, its constantly changing nature, its unpredictability. And you stand as the immutable silence in the midst of the storm, the wide open space in which joy and pain, ecstasy and agony, boredom and bliss, can arise and subside like waves in the ocean. There are no problems when you know yourself as the space for it all.’
The truth is, appearing like I have my shit together is becoming exhausting. Appearing like I am secure with my sense of self is also becoming exhausting.
But how do you know? It’s a pretty important question don’t you think? Yet we are never taught, not even by our parents, on how we find a partner. Instead everyone is so petrified we will get pregnant at 14, that we are taught about periods and the consequences of sex. Nobody ever sits us down and says – hey, this is how you know…
If you mention the word trip, LSD or magic mushrooms (ok that’s two words); I think most people would associate dangerous flashbacks, psychosis, brain damage, addiction and chromosome damage.
Life is quite simply lacking in colour without friendship. Our friendships are a very important foundation in our lives because if you set your foundations badly, your whole world will eventually collapse around you.
You know when you pretend to be stubbornly independent and you just plough through life getting shit done, because ‘I don’t need no-one’. I am just here working on myself, going out with my friends whenever the hell I want and I am just locking in events all over the shop without checking in on anyone else.
‘I learned the depths of which I would degrade myself to get somebody elses acceptance.’
“To believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”
What I saw as a horrible event, a lot of society still see as a ‘bit of fun that went too far’. Let me tell you society, the psychological scars of said event would reflect that it was in no way fun and your commentary does more damage than good.
I am incredibly grateful to be in the position to hold two passports. I certainly am not frowning upon the privilege I have, but privilege comes with a bit of turmoil. Turmoil is probably a little excessive, but it comes with choice and sometimes we stand at a crossroads and we’re not sure what path to take.