How long can you wait for the one you deserve?
Dermot Kennedy, Outnumbered
Who doesn’t love a good song lyric? I bloody love music. I think I have spoken about my love for music before, so I won’t bore you with my repetitive nature. However, I love those moments in life where you hear a song and the lyrics totally resonate with you, so thank you Dermot Kennedy.
If you know me well, or if you read my blog regularly, then you’ll know that I recently vowed myself off the dating apps and I was determined that now I am more relationship focused that I wanted to meet someone IRL (‘In Real Life’ for those of you not down with the kids). Having fun wasn’t off the table, but I have got to a pretty cool ‘single state’ of being happy within myself, so for me the ‘need’ for dating kinda faded and I just wanted to see if I naturally met someone.
I think it aligns with my philosophy on getting my self worth right, working out my values and also realising that any relationship is best formed from a strong base of friendship. I mean, I love sparks, and there should definitely be sparks. But now sparks are short term for me, and I am more alert to red flags. I prefer the analogy of ‘smouldering charcoal’ – the sparks that stem from rubbing two sticks together to build a longer lasting fire.
I was starting to wonder if this life philosophy would work for me… I mean would my patience mean that I would be 50 before I met anyone? Then I questioned myself, what is the rush? Isn’t it better to be happily single and invest my effort into enjoying life, then when the right person stumbles in it will be a much better decision? It is better than making the mistake of rushing into something where the sparks only lead to hurt in 6 months or a couple of years down the track.
Of course, I am also not stupid, there is also this risk from smouldering charcoal. However, the risks are minimal in comparison to reacting to a spark. Especially if you meet someone whose values align to yours, where respect and communication come high in their value chain – then even if the smouldering charcoal doesn’t ignite into the fire, then you both walk away kindly and with the potential of a continuing friendship.
Anyway, to get back to the song lyric. I guess I have been reminded that the wait is worth it. In fact, it is more than worth it. To suddenly be reminded what true connection is, that is absolutely priceless even if you have to apply the realistic lens of timing or location… to feel connection, that is part of life’s magic. It’s amazing to be reminded that it exists, no matter how fleeting and disappointing that geography has been a little unkind.
It’s good to embrace that life is uncertain, but also to hold on to the fact that life also figures itself out. Whether it is just a reminder that you are doing the right things, a sign post of what you deserve or that longer term the person will re-enter… whatever the reason, be grateful it happened.
Finding a connection that isn’t forced, a connection you are not fiddling around with the wires to find or reading an instruction manual to find out why you can’t find it… a connection that is so natural, where conversation flows, values align and chemistry is linked to a multitude of substances rather than just the superficial. Well, that to me is way more magical and worth waiting for. If we return to the original question at the start of the blog, the answer to Dermot’s question, is that you wait with no time limits attached. I just feel exceptionally grateful that I remembered why I was waiting, that I experienced magic, and not focus on the sadness that currently it can not continue to be explored, but hopeful that at some point in the future it might get picked back up. No expectations, just pure and utter gratefulness.