It is day 4 of a ’semi-enforced’ work from home. I am attempting as much social isolation as possible. Mainly because some of my family and friends are in the high-risk group, so in the nicest possible way I have to stay the hell away from them for a bit. And I will. Because I am not an asshole (this is an introverts dream… I get to say no to everything and people don’t think I’m a prat). I decided I would keep a track of COVID-19 lockdown. So here is an exciting overview of day 3 of working from home.


7:34 am

I haven’t showered, I can’t even remember if I showered yesterday; I am sitting at my breakfast counter with a mild backache and wishing I had been more organised in the move and found proper homes for my possessions. I could have had a perfect little desk in my spare room to work from.

7:41 am

I really ought to shower, the stench of social isolation self pity is getting a bit much. I should probably not spend the day in my PJ’s again, I am surprised my work colleagues haven’t noticed in our keep in touch zoom calls, I guess this is the beauty of only being seen from the shoulders up.

8:17 am

I feel great. It’s amazing what a shower can do. I have popped the kettle on only to realise my Brazilian Bold and Vibrant Roast 4 has run out and I am instead left with my Lazy Italian Sunday Roast 2. It will be like being woken up with a slap around the face with a wet fish. FFS I’ll have to walk to Tesco.

8:32 am

Tesco only had an ample supply of the Lazy Sunday brew and no Brazilian Brute force Brew, so I bought a Diet Coke and some revels instead.

10:09 am

Just wrapped up an hour of video calls. I’m filled with a deep sense of belonging and love from my colleagues right now. Who needs to physically see anyone!? This Zoom stuff is great.

10:26 am

I am bored AF. There is nobody to talk to. Why did I ruin the ending of Turner and Hooch for my Year 6 teacher? Why? She looked so devastated when I told her. I was such a selfish 10 year old.

10:53 am

I have nailed 101g of revels in 2 hours and 21 minutes. I might add this to my list of achievements on my CV.

12:12 pm

I wonder how much nutritional value is in 180g bag of Doritos Cool Original chips and a tub of Tesco Salsa dip? Is this sufficient for lunch? Should I have bought a sandwich when I went to Tesco this morning?

1:48 pm

Oooo I can plug in my laptop to my TV. How exciting. I have two screens again!

2:15 pm

Is it socially acceptable to have a beer? If I was invited to a work lunch I would probably have a pint… therefore it’s surely ok? Oooo but having a beer on your own at 2:15 pm might be frowned upon… but nobody would know…? 6 pm. 6 pm. You can do this.

3:07 pm

Maybe I should go for a walk? But what happens if one of those imbeciles that bulk buys pasta and toilet paper walks by and coughs in my face?

4:04 pm

Just 56 minutes to go. You can do this. Oooo I need some plates… maybe it’ll be worth a quick look to see if I can find some online.

5:58 pm

Close enough to beer o’clock. Think I’ll have a beer.

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