The naughty kids at the back got us all locked in detention. While some of us were following WHO and NHS advice, there were the naughty few filling parks, panic buying and licking bags of pasta in supermarkets. So rather than mild detention, we now have teachers in the corridors telling us off, searching our bags for essential items and confiscating our lunch money. This should be an introvert’s dream… I give you my COVID-19 update.

Isolation lists.

  1. It is astounding how many people did not realise that washing your hands regularly actually stops the spread of disease. Have they just ignored the posters around buildings and hospitals for the last 10 years?
  2. Ditto point one with sneezing into your elbow.
  3. Coughing in peoples faces is not socially acceptable. I jest, I knew that all along, but clearly some people don’t.
  4. Doritos do not count towards your 5 a day. But they should.
  5. Neither does wine.
  6. So many of my friends are now medical experts, including me. The stuff I’m sharing anyone would think I had a PhD in medicine.
  7. I don’t have a PhD in medicine so fact check anything I share. I should stop sharing things and leave my feed open for genuine health advice from the WHO and the NHS.
  8. Memes are the best. Especially memes about the Coronavirus.
  9. I don’t drink enough water at home. This can lead to my throat being dry… which can escalate to a cough… which, oh my goodness do I have Coronavirus!?
  10. I don’t have Coronavirus, I have not drunk enough water.
  11. It’s amazing how much I can overanalyse WhatsApp messages. Especially ones sent 4 years ago.
  12. Donald Trump is the most idiotic, egotistical, racist and dangerous man to be leading one of the most populated countries in the world through this pandemic. Can he be put in detention?
  13. It’s interesting watching people sharing videos of being on a packed train or in a packed park while getting angry that everyone needs to stay at home… what, everyone except for you?
  14. If you read the point above and immediately boil in defensive anger… then that is a sign that you are one of those people. Next time you drive up to a said area, turn around and go home – do not walk amongst it and video it.
  15. P.S. please can you also alcohol wipe your phone in case someone coughed on it while you wandered around filming it.
  16. A pandemic does not magically make the person of your dreams turn up on your doorstep with pasta, toilet roll and a declaration of their undying love.
  17. As much as I am aware I suffer from depression and anxiety. I did not realise I could swing between both so quickly in 24 hours. I am grateful in advance for my friends being there through tears one day and listening to me speak at the speed of light the next!
  18. Oh look a squirrel.
  19. The human mind can do dark things to you in isolation. Rest assured 24 hours can make a massive difference. As much as I need to be aware of this for myself, I also need to be proactive in reaching out to my most mentally vulnerable friends.
  20. Boundaries are important right now. As much as I have this innate need to help people. I also need to be aware that public health guidelines are way more important, and I can help people from afar.
  21. Remember to ensure your oxygen mask is properly secured before helping others. Carers, healers and empaths, look after yourselves out there.
  22. A sense of humour is vital for survival.
  23. Idiots are not essential for survival. I’ll be laughing in a couple of weeks while I eat my fresh fruit and veg, and they munch on their 83rd roll of toilet paper as that will be all that’s left in the house. Why didn’t the sensible lot buy out the things you actually need for survival to help eradicate those idiots? Oh, that’s right, because we’re not dickheads.
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